This was supposed to be a thing updating daily all month but I got tired of it so here is what I made.

Full script for what would’ve followed in the transcript.

In an alternate universe I would’ve finished the whole thing and done these once a day and I would’ve felt bad about being lazy.

↓ Transcript
11
C: "You're evil, you must hate Christmas."

ES: "Lies and slander, I love Christmas almost as much as I love being evil."

12
ES: "But I did hear about a guy on an island in the Atlantic somewhere."

E: "Like we can get there on Christmas Day."
C: "DECEMBER 12TH."
[alt text: Or 7th. 10th? 1st?]

13
E: "13."
C: "Aaarh."

ES: "Mad scientist."

14
C: "What are you-"
ES: "It is very possible I have built a teleporter."

E: "Is it safe?"
ES: "I don't know, I can't find my hamsters."

15
E: "Isn't it usually guinea pigs?"
ES: "No, guinea pigs are people."

E: "You could just buy guinea pigs at the store."
ES: "The pet store sells people now?"

16
E: "No, they're not-"

C: "You people are excruciating."

17
C: "ANYWAY, this is a waste of time, if it's in the Atlantic it's outside my jurisdiction."

E: "Your-"
ES: "You're not supposed to-"
C: "Oh, uh."

18
E: "Are you James Bond? Are you a vigilante? Are you a superhero? Are superheroes real?"
C: "Oh, stop."

E: "Why won't you tell me?"
C: "Because I'd have to kill you."

19
E: "I've always wanted to be a superhero but I'd be fine being your sidekick."
C: "Promise you won't kill me for my costume?"

E: "Well, I can't PROMISE."
C: "Ha, yeah, not happening."

20
C: "Look, I'm not a superhero, or a spy, or anything, I was joking back there."

E: "Eve didn't sound like you were joking."
C: "Eve never sounds like anyone's joking."

21
E: "But if you WERE a superhero, you'd tell me."
C: "I'm not a superhero."

E: "But you'd tell me."
C: "I'm not a superhero."

22
E: "You so are a superhero."

C: "Why is SUPERHERO the one you latched on to, why can't I be a spy?"
E: "So you're-"
C: "No."

23
C: "Say, at the rate Christmas is approaching, I hope you bought presents last month."

E: "Shit."

24
C: "Quick, find presents, a tree, and an uncle to get drunk."

E: "I don't have any uncles."
C: "I don't think I know anyone who drinks."

25
E: "Oh, snow. Cool."
C: "Literally."

26
MERRY CHRISTMAS!

C: "It's actually the 26th already."
E: "Oh, whatever."

27
C: "So, what'd you get?"

E: "A book about socks. From you."

28
E: "What'd you get?"

C: "From you, a bottle of water."
E: "I can-"
C: "No, it's okay, I'm pretty thirsty."

29
ES: "Oh, it was me. It's like I'm the only supervillain who can LIE convincingly."
ES: "No, I'm kidding, I didn't do it."

ES: "OR DID I."

30
[silence]

E: "Happy New Year!"
C: "NOPE!"

31
E: "Happy birthd-"
C: "I will hunt you down."